CENTURY CITY, CA – MAY 18: NBA player Lamar Odom and TV personality Khloe Kardashian arrive at the 19th Annual Race to Erase MS held at the Hyatt Regency Century Plaza on May 18, 2012 in Century City, California. (Photo by Frazer Harrison/Getty Images for Race to Erase MS)
Lamar Odom is opening up about his very public divorce from ex-wife Khloe Kardashian and his decision to be unfaithful to the reality star.
In his upcoming memoir, Darkness to Light, Odom reveals that he has deep regrets about the end of his four-year marriage to Kardashian and the way he treated her.
In an interview with People Magazine, who previewed the memoir exclusively, he gets candid about his choices.
“I wish I could have been more of a man,” Odom says. “It still bothers me to this day. But regret is something we have to learn to live with.”
The former NBA star also revealed that he hid a longtime addiction to cocaine from his wife.
“At the start of our marriage I was faithful to her,” he said, before revealing that he succumbed to his demons and gave into cheating and drug addiction.
“I could not handle the lethal cocktail of the spotlight, addiction, a diminishing career and infidelity,” he writes. “Oh, did I mention the paranoia, anxiety, depression. … I couldn’t keep my d— in my pants or the coke out of my nose. Drug addicts are incredibly skilled at hiding their habit. I’d get defensive and Khloé would just drop it.”
Eventually, Kardashian found out about his infidelity and the couple split. But when Odom overdosed and nearly died, Kardashian stayed by his side and helped nurse him back to health.
“Her love for me must have been unconditional,” he said. “That’s the only thing [I think] that gave her the strength to still love me at that time.”
Odom is now clean and sober and revealed that he hopes he can be friends with his ex-wife again.
“I hope we can be friends,” Odom says. “I miss the family. And I hope we can all be reacquainted one day.”
His memoir, Darkness to Light, is out May 28.